An Angry Blog

So I'm walking by a patient today, and I hear, "How are you?". I assume he is talking to me, since he said this just as I walked by, so I enthusiastically turn around and respond, "Great! How are you!?" because I get really excited when people care about me.

To my dismay, this little old man flashes me a smug little smile, points his arthritic little finger to his bluetooth cricket cell phone thing that is buried in his hairy little ear, and states, "I'm on the phone."

Oh. Great. He doesn't care about me, I look like an idiot, AND he made me stare at his hairy little ear. Downhearted, embarrassed, and mildly disgusted I walk away asking myself why people still use those stupid things, especially that little old man, who looks more like the Jitterbug type. I answer my questions with the assumption that because he's old, he probably thinks that he's really in touch with modern technology and that it's the only way to connect to his otherwise uninterested children, and it probably makes him feel a little bit better about himself. I am satisfied with the life I have imagined for this poor old man, so I move on in my thinking for the rest of the day.

Until, not even 12 hours later, I'm at the grocery store waiting in line. Minding my own business, a man walks towards me, makes direct eye contact with me, and asks, "Percentage-wise, how many parents do you think have internet access?"

Unfazed by the strangeness of the question, I recognize he asked me this because I obviously look so intelligent and full of knowledge that without even skipping a beat, I respond, "My guess would be 75, but it really depends on what parent population you are referring to." I surprise myself by the confidence in my tone and the speed at which I came up with an answer for such an out-of-the-blue query.

As I start to feel the sense of pride that I undoubtedly have earned, the guy stares at me confused for a moment. He then squints one eye and cocks his head to the side, as if by looking at me from another angle would help him make sense of what just happened. Apparently it did, so he, just like the other A-hole, points to his ear and says, "I'm on the phone."

Ugh! Really? Again? In the same day!?

Once again, I find myself feeling embarrassed and wondering why people use these terrible bluetooth earpieces. Suddenly a quick Q&A runs through my mind. Do you look cool with it? No, you look like a huge d-bag. Do people think you're important when you talk on it? No, people think you're a schizophrenic. Will you get a raise at work for conducting meetings while making love to your wife? No, you'll get divorce papers and fired. Does it build the confidence you're lacking from all the other deficits in your pathetic life? No, you still can't look at yourself in the mirror because you know who is reflected in that glass, behind that pompous cricket is just a sad, broken man whose past mistakes haunt you everyday, and though you strive to become someone better, you know you never will change, and not even portable bluetooth technology can fix that. Oh, too far?

Whatever, the moral of the story is: When you think someone is talking to you and they look like they're wearing a pimped out hearing aid, don't respond in sign language, just ignore them. Chances are (and I know my random statistical facts) that they just want to make a fool out of you in front of your friends, loved ones, and/or co-workers.